On Faith and Fear

Welp. Been a while.

I’ve wanted to write for a long time. Even roughed out some blog posts. But I couldn’t settle on what to write. An explanation for my absence (short answer: health problems)? A mission statement? Random observations?

A Grapher-related post is still not in the cards. Turns out math is very visual, and (for me at least) requires long minutes staring at tiny equations, which is not possible given current eye status. I haven’t done any math, at all, for over five years. Which is kind of sad, now that I think about it.

What I have been thinking about, a lot, is my religion. Nothing like chronic debilitating health issues to force you to confront your beliefs. And when you can’t interact much in wordly affairs, the spiritual assumes that much more importance.

That was actually my original purpose in starting this blog – to write about spiritual issues. But I chickened out. Christianity is controversial, I was sure to attract opposition. And I loathe confrontation, in any way, shape, or form. Even a reasoned discussion gets my heart rate up, as my verbal facility (especially in person) declines to virtually nil with any kind of emotional upset. I cannot *debate*. I cannot convince. I generally can only sputter and look stupid. Which I hate. And which is dishonoring to my God and probably counterproductive.

But He’s been nagging me to do this for years. And I feel guilty, knowing that I have knowledge that might be useful to other people, especially people who are going through hardship, and I’m keeping it to myself. Not that I have tidy answers – my beliefs are very much a work in progress. But constant conflict with God has given me some experience with Him. If nothing else I can share my experiences, and we can compare notes, and maybe I’ll learn something, too.

So the focus of this blog is going to shift, to what I’ve learned and what I still struggle with. For those of you exclusively interested in Grapher posts, I’m sorry. I would like to do more Grapher entries, but it’s just not where I’m at right now. I’ll leave up the current Grapher posts, and try to reorganize the blog a bit so they’re all in one place and easily accessible.

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1 Response to On Faith and Fear

  1. Mark says:

    Came for the Grapher tips… stayed for the ruminations. Some days it helps just to know there’s a fellow sufferer out there. And a fellow full-nerd at that. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt struggles with your anonymous (but often equally scarred?) visitors.

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